A biker walks into a convenience store about 2:30 in the morning. He walks up to the cashier and asks "Where are your tampons?" The clerk points and says, "Right down aisle three, on the end to the left." The biker disappears down the aisle and finally, about 45 minutes later, he returns carrying toilet paper and cotton balls. The cashier starts to ring him up and says, "You know, I know it's none of my business, but I thought you were here for tampons." The biker, smirking, says, "Well, last week I sent my wife out for smokes, and she came back with zig zags and tobacco, so by God that damn woman can roll her own too!"
One Sunday, an old biker walks into church and sits down in the front row. As the preacher is beginning his sermon, the devil suddenly appears at the altar. The members of the congregation, including the preacher himself, flee the church in terror, all except for this one biker in the front row.
The devil notices this one biker still in the church and walks down from the altar to confront him. He roars to the man, "Do you know who I am?" The biker replies, "Why of course I know who you are," he says, "You are Satan."
"And you're not afraid of me like the others?" the devil asks somewhat miffed.
To which the biker replies, "No. Why should I be? I've been married to your sister for the last 25 years!"
The devil notices this one biker still in the church and walks down from the altar to confront him. He roars to the man, "Do you know who I am?" The biker replies, "Why of course I know who you are," he says, "You are Satan."
"And you're not afraid of me like the others?" the devil asks somewhat miffed.
To which the biker replies, "No. Why should I be? I've been married to your sister for the last 25 years!"
A young man starts work at the local adult toy store. The owner says he has to go and tells the young man, if you can't find a price on something, make one up.
A white chick comes in and asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He says, "$10.00" and she takes it.
The black chick comes in and asks, "How much for the black dildo?" He says, "$20.00" and she takes it.
A biker chick comes in and asks, "How much for the plaid dildo?" He says, "$30.00" and she takes it.
The boss comes back and asks what happened while he was out and the young man replies, "I sold a white dildo to a white chick for $10, a black dildo to a black chick for $20, and a biker chick bought my thermos for $30!"
A white chick comes in and asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He says, "$10.00" and she takes it.
The black chick comes in and asks, "How much for the black dildo?" He says, "$20.00" and she takes it.
A biker chick comes in and asks, "How much for the plaid dildo?" He says, "$30.00" and she takes it.
The boss comes back and asks what happened while he was out and the young man replies, "I sold a white dildo to a white chick for $10, a black dildo to a black chick for $20, and a biker chick bought my thermos for $30!"
A biker chick is standing at The Gates of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside.
She says to St. Peter, "What's going on?"
He says, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos."
She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I'd rather go to Hell."
St. Peter says, "In Hell, you'll be constantly raped and sodomized."
The biker chick says, "That's okay, I've already got holes for that!"
She says to St. Peter, "What's going on?"
He says, "That's the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos."
She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I'd rather go to Hell."
St. Peter says, "In Hell, you'll be constantly raped and sodomized."
The biker chick says, "That's okay, I've already got holes for that!"
A biker is staggering about drunk with a key in his hand.
"What's going on here?" says a passing policeman.
"They stole my damn bike!" shouts the drunk.
"Where did you last see it?" asks the cop.
"On the end of this key!" wails the drunk.
The cops looks at him and says, "Are you aware that your penis is hanging out?"
"Holy shit," screams the drunk, "They got my girlfriend too!"
"What's going on here?" says a passing policeman.
"They stole my damn bike!" shouts the drunk.
"Where did you last see it?" asks the cop.
"On the end of this key!" wails the drunk.
The cops looks at him and says, "Are you aware that your penis is hanging out?"
"Holy shit," screams the drunk, "They got my girlfriend too!"
A preacher became irritated that a large part of his congregation was going Motorcycle Riding on Sunday, rather than coming to church. So he told his wife, "This Sunday, I'm going to preach about the Evils of riding a motorcycle."
"What!" she exclaimed, "That's a silly thing to preach about."
"I don't think so," he said, "it's a problem that we need to address."
Next Sunday, as they were driving to church, the wife asks him what he was planning to preach about.
"As I told you," he said, "I'm going to preach about the Evils of riding a motorcycle on Sundays."
"That's idiotic," she says. "First of all, it's a dumb sermon topic, and second, the people who need to hear it won't be in church! Why don't you preach about sex or something people are interested in?"
"Nope! The Lord wants me to preach about the Evils of riding a motorcycle on Sunday, and that's what I'm gonna do!"
The wife says, "Well, I'm not going to sit through a stupid sermon like that. I'm staying in the car. You can tell the congregation that I'm sick or something." So she stayed in the car.
As the preacher was walking from the car, he got thinking that maybe she was right, and he changed his mind and gave a brillant impromptu sermon on sex in modern society.
When the service was over, one of the parishoners stopped by the preacher's car and said, "I'm sorry you're not feeling well this morning. Your husband gave the finest sermon today that he's ever given since coming to this church!"
"I don't know why he thinks he's such an expert on the subject," his wife snapped. "He's only tried it twice, and he fell off both times!"
"What!" she exclaimed, "That's a silly thing to preach about."
"I don't think so," he said, "it's a problem that we need to address."
Next Sunday, as they were driving to church, the wife asks him what he was planning to preach about.
"As I told you," he said, "I'm going to preach about the Evils of riding a motorcycle on Sundays."
"That's idiotic," she says. "First of all, it's a dumb sermon topic, and second, the people who need to hear it won't be in church! Why don't you preach about sex or something people are interested in?"
"Nope! The Lord wants me to preach about the Evils of riding a motorcycle on Sunday, and that's what I'm gonna do!"
The wife says, "Well, I'm not going to sit through a stupid sermon like that. I'm staying in the car. You can tell the congregation that I'm sick or something." So she stayed in the car.
As the preacher was walking from the car, he got thinking that maybe she was right, and he changed his mind and gave a brillant impromptu sermon on sex in modern society.
When the service was over, one of the parishoners stopped by the preacher's car and said, "I'm sorry you're not feeling well this morning. Your husband gave the finest sermon today that he's ever given since coming to this church!"
"I don't know why he thinks he's such an expert on the subject," his wife snapped. "He's only tried it twice, and he fell off both times!"
Two bikers walk into a roadhouse to wash the road dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking a beer and talking about the new model Harleys.
Suddenly, a woman nearby begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she's in real distress.
One of the bikers looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" She begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The biker walks over to her, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked, she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the biker slowly walks back to the bar, and takes a drink from his beer.
His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver", but 'til today, I ain't ever seen anybody do it!
Suddenly, a woman nearby begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she's in real distress.
One of the bikers looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" She begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The biker walks over to her, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. The woman is so shocked, she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the biker slowly walks back to the bar, and takes a drink from his beer.
His buddy says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there "Hind Lick Maneuver", but 'til today, I ain't ever seen anybody do it!